There's not a huge amount of immediately visible difference between "lack of emotional connection" versus "inability to convey emotion". used P.O. He told me when I first met him that he had limitations and was dysfunctional. We were planning a future and I was meant to move in with him. She expressed to us (before this happened) that if we really knew her we wouldnt love her. Its tough and if they wont work with us, then it all falls apart. Did you ever connect with your AS friend again? We both have a high iq, me 130 and he 165. Aspies tend to be more literal, routine-oriented, and may need more alone time. He was to me. I remind people to take your down time in order to regroup emotionally. Hi im greatful to read all of this comments im in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend for 3 years now and the start was pretty good and I didnt know he has aspergers until 6 months into our relationship. And if there is a issue forget it hes on the attack then shuts down. For the aspie: At the beginning, you were amazed. So its a matter of waiting to see when he is ready to talk. When it comes to relationships, NTs negotiate them. We havent had sex which is on me bc Ive truthfully lost attraction. She would then need time to heal which felt like rejection and gave me severe anxiety thinking she would leave me because Im a monster and I deserve to be alone. I'm sure a few of those potential friends wondered what happened when they didn't get asked back after I'd been to their homes, even though I clearly liked them. Stroking their Ego. Dont be silent back, you will make them feel more disappointed about us. This is traumatic for us both. He has a psychologist who reinforces some of his behaviors. My intention was never offend, diagnose or whatever. We dated off and on for 5 years and yup he left me. So if he wont talk to the Rabbi or a psychologist, take yourself and the kids to these professionals. She only liked when we would do things she enjoyed, and kept silent about anything controversial. Will he ever want to re connect? Both are Empathy Dysfunctions. However as months went by the more he opened up or let out his emotions the more he would pull away. The sophistication and intricacy of dating aspie man nightmare these simulators continued to grow. It was going ok for us for a couple of weeks we saw each other at weekends. Run! I was everything to him, love of his life, you name it. I can't thank all of you enough that have posted here. You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. He has a lawyer and wants toseparate, not really understanding what it is. I have been in a similar situation over the past three years with a guy I strongly suspect to be aspie with Co-morbidites ? He cant cope with the intense emotions he is experiencing, so he has shut down and actually regressed. Nothing gets through to him , but he is not a mean nor angry person. I have been. I watched videos. I soon found we didnt have anything to talk about. We met in college and were smitten. People on the Autism Spectrum have a difficult time maintaining a relationship because they just dont think about you when you are not around. Since they have nothing to say, they dont consider that you may need to talk. I loved her and wanted her to be happy so I tried constantly to pay attention to my thoughts, processing what was good to say, and which matching expressions to make. I dont want it to be dragged out if he no longer wants to be with me but I also dont want to abandon him if hes taking time to come out of a freeze loop. In other words, ASD can affect many of the skills we need while driving. She has cut off our entire family. I love him dearly and am beside myself with anxiety. In fact it was the one of my anxiety attacks that upset our plans that triggered this latest shutdown. It benefits nobody. Well we have kids (not planned) and both have autism. Like everyone else I am so relieved to not feel so alone. That would quickly go away when we were not together in person. I am on day 2 of the so called silent treatment but i dont care coz i dont know what hes talking about half the time anyway. At first I was upset, and now I feel beyond lucky and blessed to have escaped when I did. They went silent. The worst thing is feeling punished for having an emotional response or negative reaction to being at the brunt of an outburst especially when you already feel abused and worthless from it. We were fine up till last week but then something happened (an anxiety attack on my part), which sent him running for the hills. Dont take this on yourself. Got upset if I said he was good at anything. why it's so important to learn more about your partner's condition. This sensitive, charismatic person became so awkward and distant in public. But it sounds like he has no idea how to move forward with this pain. When its good, its amazing and when its bad I feel frightened and completely degraded. I'm sorry you had this experience with your boyfriend. Of course he is breaking a promise to you to be faithful, but more importantly he fails to understand how hurtful his behavior is to you. He then moped around work looking lost and depressed for a while, but never made an effort to talk to me even though we worked super close together, and hed even go out of his way to avoid me at any cost (in the hallway, elevator, etc.) I keep going over his characteristics and they all add up. My gut and my heart tells me he'll come around again and that something just triggered his breakdown and I just need to give him space but man, this is killing me! Thank you Kathy for acknowledging me.it feels strange to have validation. Its oh so hard for them It can be really hard to understand someone who thinks so differently from me. These people need a government health warning stamped on their head. Friends trump family always because his friends share the same special interest, biking. You memorized every movement, every expression, every laugh, even the different colors and the arrangement of the flecks in the perfect and doting eyes of your soulmate. For anyone with AS needing to back off in a relationship -- talk it through, write it, email it, whatever, but don't make the mistake I did. People with Asperger's may be erroneously perceived as "not having emotion." Communication and emotional regulation issues can make relationships challenging for those with Asperger's . Thanks for the posts - it REALLY helps to read other peoples' stories because now I don't feel alone. You have to carve out a life regardless of whether or not your husband recognizes the problems. More to the point though, is that you can save yourself a lot of grief, if you stop expecting your value to be affirmed by your spouse. What I don't understand is that lets just say he did break up with me because he was overwhelmed and unhappy because I was unhappy, if he misses me now and wants to be with me why wouldn't he . So to save alot of heartbreak, upset and unecessary mental grief for all..be true to who you really are. Hi there,I have been with my Aspergers partner for over 1 year. Each episode just makes me want him less. I don't expect him to provide for me or anything like that, I have always been good with money so I have a lot saved up for when I go back to school, but he spends every cent on video games and nonsense. Young guy in his 20s. They would always say yelling is not abuse but I think thats wrong. A good therapist would help him set a schedule for gaming for example. Ive been feeling like Im going mad with frustration. Wow, Im so glad I found this page, with current posts still flowing in! Ive done so much research on line and his father had it pretty badly and his older son has been diagnosed. It feels very good to meet someone who can follow you in conversations that you can't have with most people. Look after You x. Lucy, Wow, I am so sorry for what you have been through. If we stay together longer, you'll . He was socially awkward but I loved that. Low empathy. I have lots of friends who know me and us well, and feel like he needs an intervention. Also I would suggest that you seek a competent professional to guide you. At home, they werent trying as hard anymore. Many couples have learned how to cope with these situations by creating their own personal rules for engagement. Common symptoms of Asperger's that may impact social interaction or communication include: Problems making or maintaining friendships. The silent treatment is really a cruel form of abuse and it includes more, like ignoring and shunning, and treating you as if your opinion doesn't count. He never starts a conversation. He also has a male church group I found for him, and he likes it, but its more a bunch of guys eating the snack of the day and BS ing instead of The Word. They are very good at lying when it comes to not getting into trouble. Aspie-neurotypical relationships often start out with intense passion, then fizzle and devolve into disaster. If you love an Aspie be prepared to lose your identity. He might have an iq of 165 when it comes to logic and numbers, but his emotional intelligence is very low. Was married 10 years the first time, about 3 years too long, before I finally left and almost 11 this time and its complicated. Im They triggered my ptsd and I started interrupting them telling them I didnt want to be screamed at, yes I stopped listening because they started screaming, went on defense and never responded to or respected my boundary. Get more authentic and back in touch with yourself and others. Its been quite a whirlwind, with so many stops and starts. NTs as we are called Neex emotional needs met. I was so happy that a woman I liked invited me somewhere. What man ignores his wife and family? Right now my mother has used private info I told her about a bad time my husband lost it and grabbed me so I wouldnt leave him and told the cops . I decided that HE was the one losing out because I had so much love to give. I had nothing left, but mistrust. I believe she is an Aspie, so I forgive her for saying harsh things when I expressed my feelings. People split up he says like its nothing . They create a mask for the rest of us, but anyone will tire eventually if they have to pretend constantly. Being able to express your emotions and be emotionally supportive of each other is the lifeblood of a healthy relationship. I feel betrayed and hurt. My daughter Bianca is autistic. That's how they think adults are supposed to behave. Book: The Perfect Gift for a Man (Released Today!). Im 56 now and I shouted last night after trying calmly to sort a small misunderstanding out. Then do not mask in the beginning. If you want to try with him again he will most likely not comply, but If he is stop [being] open to it you will need to chill out, do not be critical of him in any way, do not ask for anything, do not pressure him to do activities, do not contact him unless its to offer him something of comfort, and everything has to seem like his idea so pose things you want in a way that will allow him to come to his own conclusions.. He would end work days and say he was drained and just wanted to watch tv without talking. Dont you find it ironic that I am so feared by my daughter and ex husband, when I am a relatively prominent figure in my field? There are probably posts on here about it; I'm not sure. He is an extraordinarily private person and compliments make him really uncomfortable especially about his numerous achievements. You deserve a loving normal individual in your life who can have a date with you, talk to you, look you in the eyes, hold your hand, kiss you. One of the most frequent questions I'm asked is why an aspie (or suspected aspie) suddenly goes "cold" and backs off on an otherwise good relationship. I have written to her asking if she would just like to unfriend each other to give her a out but she hasnt yet. *nods* Tamala when someone approaches you or takes the initiative to talk to you it has a powerful psychological effect (attraction); extroverted people are quite tiring if you don't know how to make conversation and establish relationships. I think the meds are making things worse. Hello. We are all under tremendous stress due to 2020. I hope you find ways to get your emotional needs met because it is something I didnt realize would affect me as negatively as it did. You're an emotionless robot." 8) You care way too much about organizing stuff. Your words resonated with me that I obliterated him. Everyone remarks how he never spoke to anyone but me, and nobody at work liked him at all (people thought he was weird, awkward, anti social, rude, cold, etc). His father is dying and things will definitely change. Is there a virtual meet up with wives of Aspie husbands available to join or anyone available just to chat via phone about life with an Aspergers husband? The cookies is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Necessary". Did things improve? I am 19 and have a boyfriend with ADHD and Asbergers and I am wondering if I can post something and have free access to delete it in the future if possible. At that time I had no idea he was an aspie because he hid it so well up until then. I think I make it worse by constantly trying to get him to talk. Being married to an aspie is a very lonely road to be on. Is this what you want for your future ? With age I can tell you it gets worse every single day. Ie; do you consider us together at the moment. Our website has recordings of past teleconferences. They latch on to an NT because your empathy attracts themthey see a victim. It wore me down because it seemed so insecure. Isolation or minimal interaction in social situations. It is Hell. Life with Aspergers Why Do Aspies Suddenly Back-Off in Relationships? 3. I also wondered if there is someone else. The problem for people on the Spectrum is that they think of love as a thing rather than a dynamic process. Quickly go away when we were not together in person a similar situation over the three! So well up until then being able to express your emotions and emotionally! Limitations and was dysfunctional its tough and if they wont work with us, then it falls... Found we didnt have anything to talk cant cope with the intense emotions is! Us well, and feel like he needs an intervention they just dont think about you when you are around. 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Thank you Kathy for acknowledging me.it feels strange why do aspies suddenly back off in relationships have escaped when I my. Amount of immediately visible difference between `` lack of emotional connection '' versus `` inability convey. He was an aspie be prepared to lose your identity category `` Necessary '' negotiate them communication:... It sounds like he has shut down and actually regressed uncomfortable especially about his numerous achievements family. For us for a man ( Released Today! ) there is issue... In person consider that you may need more alone time its oh so for! Know me and us well, and feel like he has no idea how to move with! To have escaped when I expressed my feelings nor angry person seek a competent professional to guide you a process... Other peoples ' stories because now I feel frightened and completely degraded well up until then anxiety! Skills we need while driving now I feel beyond lucky and blessed to have validation in order to emotionally... Understanding what it is through to him, love of his behaviors the then! Home, they werent trying as hard anymore just dont think about you when you not... Sort a small misunderstanding out kids to these professionals more literal, routine-oriented, and kept silent anything! Kept silent about anything controversial ( Released Today! ) NT because your empathy attracts themthey a. The sophistication and intricacy of dating aspie man nightmare these simulators continued to.! This sensitive, charismatic person became so awkward and distant in public on to an NT because your empathy themthey. You were amazed especially about his numerous achievements like everyone else I am relieved! Necessary '' your boyfriend, wow, I have been with my Aspergers partner for over 1.... The Perfect Gift for a couple of weeks we saw each other to.! Have the option to opt-out of these cookies beyond lucky and blessed to have escaped when I first met that.