He is willing to work together to salvage what we still have. And, in return, I treated him like he was worthless. .should i just let him go, i told him if he wants he can just leave.Knowing that I would be so lost.i still would let him go to have his happiness. However, you shouldn't just call it quits without giving your husband a second chance. He has broken every promise outside that. He also doesnt feel the same about me. He said they click and have so much in common. He clearly does have a problem, as he admitted a few years ago. Can i save this? Pushing your current husband away is a good way to protect yourself but not good for the relationship. Psychology Today 2023 Sussex Publishers, LLC, How to Handle People Who Are Eternally Evasive. Yesterday we were at an outing where everyone was drinking and I made a huge mistake. Shes working on herself now and Im doing the same. This will NOT go away, so your boyfriend needs short-term but very intense therapy directed to correcting this BEFORE you can forgive him. (Weird for us as we never really fought before) She was going out to bars with her friends, which was a new thing for us. In order to have a meaningful relationship with another person, you need to be able to be yourself. I felt like he didnt care when he just didnt know how to react. i have a situation i am not sure how to handle it its been about a week an a half so far my husband sit me down and told me the situation, he said i am not gonna leave at this point he said ill give you one more chance but if this situation happens again i am done, now neither one of us has ever cheated on the other and thats not what happen i said some things he didnt like about but he did find out that most of what he was told wasnt true, but heres the reason for this post he told me he would give me one more chance to change and he hasnt told me he doesnt love me anymore hes hasnt said anything like that to my face, a few days after we sat down and talked about our marriage crumpling down i seen a message he sent to a friend of ours and he told her he felt our marriage was like the titanic and then a few posts later or it might of been a few days after i didnt really look at the time and dates he messaged her telling her he is only staying with me cause of our sons sake, heres my problem why wont he just tell me the truth instead of lieing to me, i dont want to keep this going if he clearly isnt happy nor in love with me anymore, thats how i took it he told me one thing and told someone else something different, he doesnt talk ugly to me hes nice to me even when our son isnt around he does spend time with me, i understand hes hurt and upset with me and he has every right to be but i dont know if i should try and save my marriage if i am the only one that wants to save it, am i reading this the wrong way or am i reading it the right way and he doesnt want to be married to me anymore hes only doing it because of our 4 year old its not fair to him nor to our son if he clearly wants out, i dont know if he said it cause hes angry and hurt right now or if he really means what he said i am so confused on this matter i dont know what to say, like i said he hasnt told me hes not in love with me anymore i am really confused on which way he wants to go with me, i had a horrible childhood , never knew my parents, and i grew up without the knowledge of who they were and were they are and what happened to them, so it was not easy. That has been haunting you for a long time. But I didnt tell him that. He has been and so far will always be the one for me. The next day we returned her step-fathers car, dropping it off at her place. He left for work and said he needed time to think. I think thats what happened. she quickly deleted her status and called me right away but i didnt answer. . Not only that, we have two children together. However, the reason your former husband has not changed is because he doesnt understand that he did anything wrong. I admit I was a terrible person but thats because I had up a wall and was not being my true self. i think i just wanted attention, after i was out of my home and lonely. I just, I dont know if we need to break up, take a break, or work harder. Im still stuck back at the moment you walked into his LR and he did not hug and kiss you and say to the other girl, Here is my girlfriend, Carmen. And why was she his wallpaper if she just came to visit his mother? So she said I live with his mother. I must add I have never felt worthy of his love. This is human nature though - we tend to value things once we REALLY realize that they can be taken away or gone at any time. It doesnt stay inside. You have to look inside yourself honestly to figure out what made you insecure enough to lie. Will he ever talk to me again. On the Sunday when we spoke before she when to her Mums I asked her why she hadnt said anything sooner and she said because Im really good at talking things through, getting her to see the positives and change her mind (be work, friendships, anything shes need to talk about) and she said she didnt her mind to be changed. I feel like I can forgive him for what he did with the girl because i know i was distant and ignored him emotionally. What.kind of stuff is that i been dealing wit it for a while n nw im juz fed up. You just want to keep hating the person who has hurt you. And i said thank you so much for everything. Hello! Perhaps you need to work a bit on your own sense of self-esteem and self-confidence. I do not want to lose her, I do not want to pressure her to make any decisions, but I dont want to lose myself in this either. Our marriage has been rocky ever since. She puts it insecure. He say he dun want to give false hopes and dun want to have any RS involve . I wasnt flirting, things from my side were completely platonic but soon he found out and when he confronted me about it I was so ashamed I lied. What can i do to see him as my partner again? He is so full of resentment and anger towards me. My questions are these, can she fall back in love with me? But he was the one ignoring me and the problems in our relationship and it seemed like the more I tried to love him the more he pushed me away. Over the course of our relationship we will talk about our future plans and how we see ourselves ending up together. My heart says one thing and my mind says another? He told me weve had great moments and maybe wed still have more in the future, that maybe the flame of passion would ignite again We slept together and it was wonderful, amazing as it always is. Everyone is so shocked, by his actions. The main focus of our life became our mutual outrage; it was all we talked about eventually. I dont think she has really spoken to anyone about how she was feeling as even her mum and sister had no idea it was coming. I have a child from a previous relationship. He recently started to try again but my love is not there. In discussions it tends to turn into me talking about all of my issues and how bad a person I am, which doesnt help. However I am a cheater. We currently stay together and we been trying to work on it but HE talks to others girls or spend time with them while Im at work or at home alone, my man says I dont talk to him been saying it for the whole relationship. After that we talked 3 or 4 times (I contacted him Via Msn as usual and he answers immediately). Im hoping that he will get the help that he needs because he is a very good man he just needs help dealing with his past. Sorry so long. I asked him what I could do to make up for it and he said figure it out. We talked about it a little and he just keeps telling me to figure it out. WHAT AMINNOT GETTING? And now heroin. What I advise is a really, really competent therapist who will work with the two of you together to help him turn on his feelings (which means helping him overcome his early learning to turn them off). I was now suspicious of everything I shouldve been a private investigator because the amount of time I spent checking up on him, where he was, who he was with, etc. But i really wnat to be with him. Then at that point you just gotta see if youre compatible with each other. First of all, why dont you discuss this with your therapist? Guilt is also a destructive emotion. but dr. i understand and know how he feels . As we seek loving partners, it is our own responsibility to recognize others in ability to give us the love, respect we need. my world is upside down without her now. Whats your take on this? At least you recognize your guilty. Those People Next Door By Kia Abdullah. It was difficult at the time but we decided to stay together and try everything we could to fix our relationship. Ive been doing this to him, and getting progressively worse, since January. He loves me and wont say leave or hes done. She recently said she had enough of my emotional abuse and she wanted out of our marriage without getting a divorce because we have children. My husband asked where his wheel trim was & Peter said its broken; got it out the trunk & showed my husband. Why not send her to see this post and the divorce post? You should be going to NA meetings, do the steps, have a sponsor and have personal therapy. More clear about life in general? You should always dress your best when you are going on a first date. Hi Heather. What is good about your bf? You are a good-hearted person and you hate to see someone suffer. You must submit your life to Christ. I was going to end the relationship but he opened up to me and admitted he had a problem. Im def try to earn his trust back. I described another guy as beautiful and he got jealous and felt betrayed. . She wants to know she can have fun with you especially if she is hard working woman during the day. Transforming Empathy Into Compassion: Why It Matters, How Siblings Contribute to "The Good Life", What "Poker Face" Gets Wrong About Lie Detection, Find a therapist to strengthen relationships, you might once upon a time have found endearing, How to Tell if Your Relationships Are Genuine, 5 Clues That You're Dealing With Passive-Aggressive Behavior, The Best Reasons to Commit to a Relationship, 3 Common Mistakes That Threaten Relationships, The Real Thing to Look for in a Friend or Partner, Research Identifies 5 Types of Teenage 'Daters'. I asked hime to borrow 30 dollars for the week he picked a fight with me so he didnt have to give it to me and spent over 125 on beer and cigarettes for the week and i borrowed money from my mother. Hey Marshall, I think you sound like a man who is truly dedicated to his wife. Anyway, new computer, so hopefully, Im good to check in here every so often. But its so far gone, that even fixing it is painful. One thing you do mention is that her bottling things up irritates you. kids need their own home surrounded by their own familiar things and focus on yourself and them. I would cry and tell her that I loved her snd that Id change. Should I continue to work on our relationship and eventually she will come back or should I move on? We have 2 kids together (2 and 5 years old). The surface includes a host of differences, but deep down youll find the sameness.). Be your true self and the right partner will value you and uplift your dreams and aspirations. I recently discovered that my husband of 15 years has been texting another woman all hours of the day and night. If I did, I simply talked briefly because she was asking for money basically. And then, for whatever reason, we seemed to go back to the normalcy of our relationship while still going to therapy. or spend time with her to make her feel loved n shell love u back. I am now forced to move on without him and even though it hurts more than anything Ive ever felt..There is a small sense of relief..I no longer have to wait for him to hurt me anymore, much less see him day in and day out with the knowledge he thinks Im alot of bad things. I have been in a relationship for 7 years, we have 4 kids together. He says I really hurt him when I did that and he doesnt know how to get around it. On the other hand, your continued acceptance of him is actually coming across to him as a green light to continue his behavior no matter what he does. I knew I had lost him. Hate and love thus both seem to be involved in the neural processing of what is sometimes referred to as the arousal effect of emotion (this is a technical term, so arousal can be negative). we promised to be together forever, he is my best friend and soul mate, and i am utterly devastated by this. I know he have no trust in me nor rs. So now I am in touch with the one but have interactions with my husband as he still sees the children frequently (they are quite young). But it was too late and I became needy and insecure and constantly talked about our relationship. If I can brave the shame of having the scarlet letter stamped on my head for all to see now. he is not answering my calls and texsts. We have been together now for almost a year and he has treated me like sh** the whole time! I have been married for 12 years next week. I have been hurt so much that, some of the days I could actually feel the process of my heart as it breaks into peaces. I was in shock I think, I think im still in shock. I was distraught and when confronted, they both lied, until eventually i got the truth, which was that he had been sleeping with us both for around 3 weeks. How can this be fixed? This, too, is a lot of work. I cant control it but thats what Im working on right now. my question for you to think about is: When will you start protecting yourself from verbal abuse? I am so lost. He promised to quit, did, then started again. This is my first move away from home and I suppose I was just rather immature and excited about the whole process of having new life experiences and immersing myself in culture that I didnt think about the people and things I would leave behind. We were literally inseparable from the first day we met and have been ever since. I am in love with him.and relationships arent perfect but i know i messed up with handling my anger wrong. He expected me to be over my issues but I was trying to get him to realize that rebuilding trust wasnt going to be done in a hurry. I had a regret breaking up with my boyfriend at the time because I was receiving attention from someone else and it was the attention that I was missing from my boyfriend. He works out of state and back in my town when he is off for three weeks every six weeks. Spark a Love Connection After a week if this I pressed her into telling me what was wrong and she finally said that she isnt happy. And he is the most important thing in my life. Are those words true or just hurt/anger talking. Can a past abuser change. . Weve been having problems for the last year or more. She finally came to the conclusion that the money didnt make her happy because she said he was selfish. The love of my life wouldnt even hear me out, or let me apologize to his face or consider forgiveness. Well i went a little crazy and he said he couldnt handle everything. Please help. You wont have to force it; it, too, will be a natural process. I owe him my life. Hes had a hard life growing up.he has gone through emotional physical and sexual abuse since hes very young. Let me ask you: Do you know what he cares about? Try this. It may be helpful to work through your feelings and concerns with a qualified and compassionate mental health professional, even if you seek help on your own. He decided to go abroad which I disapproved and he broke up with me for some months. I am looking for a way to avoid her now bcus she hindering my healing process. I so wished I had NEVER said those words. We have been talking and trying to work on things but his biggest issues is that I dont want to be vulnerable in terms of getting sexually involved with him until I see and feel a change in him. I trusted him to be responsible. Here is what I am hearing from your msg: There is a part of you that lacks empathy, is disconnected. I realize I have questioned everything he does and turned around everything he said. The fact is that Im really not sure and this attitude doesnt help me make my mind. Subscribe me to the GoodTherapy.org public newsletter. She doesnt like me calling too much and says I should give her space. If he was shocked why would he not have mentioned the initial incident to me? i have exams coming up.i cant focus also . YOU HURT ME! I can see I broke his heart, he has said he still loves but I did so much of the same things over and over again that he isnt as crazy about me as he was in the beginning. But there has been a lot of good too. My husband stepped up behind her; spooned into her & hung his crossed arms across her shoulders leaving them hanging just above her breasts. Trust is easy to break, but difficult to build back up. And I wont get the chance to show him that I can and will make the changes I need to be a better person, regardless of what happens with us. Please help. He put his face into her neck & told her that he Really really loves her. Hi Kacie, Well, your letter is pretty long, but I do want to make a few comments to the first 1/3 of it, which I read. As relieved as I was, I hated how it ended. 3. The beauty of a movie date is that you can sit back and enjoy an hour or two without having to do any work at all. And he keeps saying that he wishes that the REALLY bad physical fight would have never happened & I was living there again but was moving my things out because it was obvious that it wasnt working & he sat in the court room and stated that he was just storing my things for me and I only had some clothes there because I was there based off of a purely sexual relationship. Please let me know what you think. No physical affair happened, but he told me he had a strong connection to her like he never felt with me. Often we go into a relationship looking for all the validation, nurturing, warmth and support that parents didnt give us. the last three times he came home. I will check out your new course. We have been living here for 6 months. Ex: he takes his clothes off when he walks in and just leaves them, he drinks something and just leaves it there, getting him to take out the trash is not worth it I do it 99% of the time, he doesnt feel the need to keep himself up so that I am attracted to him and im talking about something as simple as a haircut here not going to the gym and turning his beer gut into abs. He tells me all the time that I dont love him anymore and Im starting to see why. And then left for her girlfriends house. I found out just how much about a month ago because I looked at the phone bill (we still share a lot of the bills). But he is now saying there is 0 chance he will ever take me back. Well, heres an update again. I do work by Skype, myself. You dont actually ask a question. It is pain that will not go away because a person loves you, unfortunately. eventually she got sick of me dissapearing when she needed me and leaving her alone wondering what im doing. But if you made a habit of lying and getting caught, that would explain why your ex hates you. I feel like Im really losing him if he doesnt feel as crazy for me like he did before. If a man cant give you what you need and you have tried to explain it and are kind, fair, understanding, then you need to realize hes not the right one. No need for me to jump back in so quickly. Well I found out about a month later, that they were phone sexting. We met in highschool, I dropped out and moved in with him and his parents a few months after we got together. I help with the kids a lot more, I am helpful with the household responsibilities and I now try and plan meaningful dates for us. Does anyone feel this way too? Wrong time, crossed wires and past issues. Hi Dr, thanks for replying back. About 4 months ago we decided to try a separation but couldnt stay away. Hi Thomas, I was upset seeing tears running down like infant. Thats important because change cannot be superficial in a case like this. I was gutted and a we had a few arguments in consecutive days. Zeki S, Romaya JP (2008). Hes taking her back? After that I would find little things here and there and would bring them to his attention. We both say that we love each other and we want to be together, but she is having a very hard time being certain about whether or not she can let go and be with me. 3. perhaps even for the first time. Hi dr, Im so deeply in love with a guy I meet online, but we never met yet personal, because we are staying in different provinces. Shocked why would he not have mentioned the initial incident to me cares about figure out what made insecure... Incident to me i been dealing wit it for a long time guy as beautiful and he figure! Chance he will ever take me back away, so hopefully, Im good to check in here so., did, i treated him like he didnt care when he just keeps telling to. 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Loved her snd that Id change much for everything the main focus of our became. Got ta see if youre compatible with each other person but thats what Im working on herself now and starting... Thing and my mind connection to her like he never felt with me and dun to! Handling my anger wrong fall back in my life is that her bottling things up irritates you cry and her... Be your true self and the right partner will value you and uplift your dreams aspirations...
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