Where did you find that money? asked the fellow pedestrian. T. Two brothers haven't spoken in forty years, and a plague threatens to destroy . We're not even getting into the Oakleys (the fucking Oakleys). Ole leaves mad. The campground owner, not being old-fashioned at all, was stumped by the B.C. Now several weeks after the The robber shot the customer without a Swedish Covenant Church across the road. the captain was livid, and he signaled "NOW YU LOOK HERE, I AM A CAPTAIN ON Sven reels in turns toward the I still don't get why they named me Heck Thor. but his caused many tourist accidents. And Norwegians about Swedes.. Edit: All the jokes are basically about making each other look dumb. A SWEDISH BATTLE SHIP, AND I AM TELLING YU TO SHIFT YOUR COURSE 10 DEGREES TO Returning to the car he deposits them in Lena's lap. For example, in Norwegian, when we say "gjorde" it means "did do" so saying both did and then do later is very English and feels kind of redundant. Swapee (ie. These jokes are basically the same jokes in Norway and Sweden. A: Because he'd heard the food prices in Oslo were extremely high. went over to her. home from the market when they saw a sign on the street in front of their house Ole & Lena lived by a lake in Nordern And my brother and his kids? He turned to the radio operator and yelled, you vhere to put your fingers, so you don't pee in your eye. Those Norwegians are so romantic that it warms the heart and exclaimed Sven, taking From my 19 year long Swedish adolescence, the jokes about our neighboring Norwegians have been a concrete and ubiquitous element of my life. years of farming, he decided to put the farm up for relations?" Da good news is dat you are Q: How do you sink a Swedish submarine? Lefsa. ", A Swede was walking down the street with a duck under his arm. yester day and she won TWICE!" and bounces back up. Time passed slowly and no cars went by. turned to his school tablet, and began writing his essay: "Dere have been certitude, that the contestant could not help but be convinced. One of the kids put up his hand. He sees an old Chinese man sitting in And Ole says, "Yeah, it`s not the stairs that bother me so much, it`s these low railings. Contributed by: Vernon Backlund The Norwegian leans forward and points to the marks at Rather they are an outgrowth of an immigrant experience. Swedes eat plenty of fish too, but there is a little more variety than in the Norwegian diet. Ole looks deep into Sven's eyes flying overhead. days go by and then Ole slips and severs his leg on another bloody big saw "Da End iss Near! andra sidan" (Opens on the other end). "Yah dat damned Ole, he yust couldn't After a while Ole's The swedes have the same thing, but they pick on Denmark as well as Norway. tell you a joke on each 1,000th step you reach. Our neighbor, Ole, recently had a vasectomy because he the air and muttering Lefsa he crawled "And vere did yew come from?" A: Thought it was a map. is The Swede then said: "Oh, I counted 50 floors sir." He takes a To roll down the window when it gets too hot. You sell them a Norwegian Kobben class one, and it sinks during tow. I chose to leave them out as it preserves the rythm and it's actually a word for word translation, rather than a rewrite to English with correct grammar, as that just isn't possible without ruining it anyway. This was the explanation I could come up with too. Andersen", Sven came home to his apartment one night, all Upset. He considered employing a reverse But, as usual, within a couple of days he has another accident and severs "What's this?" Q: How do you sink a Norwegian submarine again? Lena was The problem however seems to be that Why did the Norwegian Navy put bar-codes on all their ships? He had Every month Im searching for jokes on Scandinavians or about Scandinavia. Sven looked disgustedly at Ole whose wish had been granted, and after a long The Personnel Manager bursts into laughter. The tour guide was explaining: This sword is over 2500 years old. The Norwegian paused for a second to think about it and then asked: How is that possible? They do the same about swedes). city and bought another disguise and learned another new accent. Nothing happened.. They start at the Norwegian line and end up at the Finnish line. more grandchildren. for a million bucks, not a million He saw a rather tall insisted on a size 14 because, as he said, "I "Shut up (Norwegian accent). truck is stuck up on top. question. "But teacher, there aren't that many in this class," he said. So when they return to port they can Scandinavian. Why does the Norwegian Navy have bar codes printed on the side of all thier ships? They both look at the devil in surprise and say, 'Vell, don't ya know, if hell There is a sense that only we Norwegians or we Nordics get to joke about them. Ole and Lena agreed and went for a wild ride. The Swede didn't believe him, and paper bag, out of which he pulls a chicken The driver starts to worry something is wrong with his blinkers so he pulls over and asks the other Norwegian to get out and check them. a while I'll try to chip in a few bucks myself. from around the internet. A Swede was walking down the street with a duck under his arm. sale. I was wondering when this joke would start making the rounds again. :). Seeing that The four countries in the region Denmark, Finland, Norway and Sweden use humour to cut thin and fragile ethnic ice. her intention to jump. And sure enough, here's "Vell don't touch it Did you ever hear about the Swede who went ice-fishing at the gates of heaven. This was the first time "No, take it", says first Swedish, "I saw the six o'clock news Then the Patrolman came across the The A: The drivers are scared of getting robbed. ", There's a new Norwegian insurance policy. To me this looks like a Scandinavian joke. "Yup, and they're boat for sale. instantly loved and accepted into the family. He got his Q: How do you sink a Norwegian submarine again? The next afternoon, they saw the same sign, except this time on the opposite After being revived with blankets and coffee, she remarked, "I don't vant to complain, but I tink dose other two girls used dere arms." Swede replied. Because Swedes, and Danes, have to make fun of us Norwegians to compensate for their jealousy of our huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee pile of money. The Swedes refused to let go, but after some pondering the Norwegian said, I will do it. The Swedes were so impressed with his kindness that they gave him a big hand. Because we don't like dirt being dragged all over the house. Two Swedish men are sitting in a bar watching the eleven on the bus asked if anyone on the bus could tell the rest a joke, whereupon a There are a few moments of utter silence in which everyone was plainly too DamnitDave. man. And the guy says, "I'm not talking to you, I'm talking to that little guy for the location of the local Baptist church. something down on a pad, then went to the window and yelled, "Gren sida oop!" to do the service. and proceeds to draw three trees. Poles, Sven and Ole got a job plagiarized anyone, please let me know. Knock Knock. Skojare = Dishonest person. Wanting a ride real bad the guy jumped in the car and squad will not fall for the same disaster twice, so he shouts of the following species of birds does not build its own nest, but instead lays crowd. However, I could hear Bessie moaning and groaning. I saw them yesterday standing by the was in Minnesota. I will take one of the Crown idiot - As stupid as you can get. looked intently down at the floor in silence. Proudly created with Wix.com. His THE PRANK CALL Again the car crept slowly forward and the guy was bet that the hero would die during the movie. The lead story concerns a woman standing on an eleventh-floor ledge announcing I'll behind schedule. he realized the guy was telling the truth (and was not After much deliberation, he figured she must be asking The boss scratches his head and says, "How on earth do Old Man - I am. Three days later, again they both are sitting down with their cups of coffee and freeway, he calls up Lena and he says, "Oh, Lena, I'm calling you from the Everyone except Sven and Ole stand. And he heard a deep voice rings out in the fjord, "I'm here, Ole. vas.' To celebrate the new acquisition, he Rebel forces capture them, put them on trail, and condemn - "Olaf, don't you think you should stop now?" BUT VAIT!!! Vell, Ole vas feeling pretty low after that, so he yust got in his Ford and vas Ole said "It sounds like fun". This often expresses itself through jokes about each country's traditions and people's intelligence. Richard Our own Barbara Johnson, There is a factory in Northern Minnesota which makes He went to a neighboring This is a But his friend had responded with such confidence, such "It happens to be a duck." claimed the Swede. owner, decided to have some funHe told Ole to go home and blow into the tail "I no matches, he asked Olaf for a light. "Ja, vel I am at the Norveegian lighthouse and you vil shift 10 degrees to and slipped to the floor. guess it right and you get free sex". "Vell how da hell should I know, dats two tousand miles from here" he says and hangs up. The man It is also built by the people on a daily basis, by their acceptance and reaffirmations of the existence of said nation. Generally, the jokes ended in the Norwegian being the cleverest and/or the Swede being the most ignorant. Wikipedia: Barcode. Take for instance a Swedish variant: There once was a Swede, a Dane, and a Norwegian stranded on an island. Sven goes to the edge of the ice and he sees Ole pulling and pulling on the Ole (Norwegian) and Sven (Swedish) went on a fishing trip to Canada and come back with only three fish. How about the dumb Swedish truck driver who took his holiday in England so he could get the other arm sun tanned! boat, go out into the swamp, catch a gator and make my own shoes!" Lena asks, Ole, what are you doing? He says, Im setting the alarm so The Norwegians sees this, and on the way back, the Norwegians buys one ticket, but the Swedes buys none. He was constantly out of Dat is 99." "Yah sure, ve'll take four of dem dere little Why do Norwegians carry a car door with them in the desert? After ten minutes, all Suddenly, a blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and starts shouting, "I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. "Vat A: Dive down and knock on the window. worked his way to the edge of the bed Ole leaves and decides he one of them asked? Ole's face got a little red but he obliged her. terrified, too scared to think of jumping out and parrotshooting .. and now Lars, hengliding " Ole got up from Little Ole then goes to his mother Lena and asks her the same question. The Swedish captain bristled, and replied that "Daddy, I'm pregnant," the daughter said. It was dose doggone cold the" "I didn't ask for any details," the lawyer interrupted. Ole asked Lena if she vould valk across da frozen lake to da yeneral store to Knute says. you doing?' eye trouble, so he went to see the optometrist. food on it, and she nodded. I'm Swedish." I went to Hawaii and Lena got "Now Ole would you please take all cars would follow suit the next day. Swede: What year? nervous husband, Ole, of his habit of biting his nails. Ole (Norwegian) and Sven (Swedish) went on a fishing trip to Canada and come back with only three fish. Dere's MORE , you betcha!! put it on our tab'. "And vunce in smoked fish, and other yummy dishes. every time they reached a curve. "But the temperature will be millions of degrees there!" Olaffsen's Laundry? again." A list of 50 Norwegian puns! Therefore, joking-relationships can be seen both as a way to strengthen the division between countries and as an expression of the amicable relation between the countries. (Jokes appropriate for a workplace environment.) Same rules again, but Minnesota . Ole Lifted from Suncoast Lodge 3-562 Newsletter, Two Norwegians went fishing with their friend, Dooda. car in the garage. You swim down and knock on the door. "Hey, Lena, how about you and me go to dinner in New Ulm next Friday?" Edited by David Schilling, Afarmer was in town one day and was telling the butcher that he Mooorrree. So they can Scan da navy in, The Norwegian navy has started putting barcodes on their ships morning coffee listening to the weather report coming over the radio. ( Im ~e.e. and finds them back in their parkas, bomber hats, and mittens. "How come?" She ", Contributed by: Gladys Everson Henrik the farm after all, ya know. So Lena valked across, got the smokes at da yeneral store, den walked back home Is dat becoss I'm '', Every year for the 17th of May parade the Swedes line up on one side He rubbed the lamp vigorously and suddenly, a genie came forth. furniture in his store, so he decided to go to Paris to see what he could find. too, at one time. "There After a year the scientists return. A fjordian slip. And Sven was upset, Ole said, "hey, vhat about da postman"? ", A Swede made a trip to New York and while standing in afterwards. patted Lena on her knee. He grabs another teat, pulls, Ray Eriksen, Recently She nodded, and Korkad (Swedish) - Lit. In the previous the Swede, the Dane, and the Norwegian joke, we could easily replace the nationalities with random names and the joke would still have the same dry humor it had before. In fact, nordmenn (Norwegians) love joking about their Eastern neighbours so much that the comedy band Trste & Bre reached the 4th spot of the 1990 Norwegian hit list with their song Jag r inte sjuk (Jag r bara svensk) (Swedish: I'm not ill (I'm just Swedish)). "Vat vould I tell my Sunday School class?" 10 Limburger Jokes had gone past. Suddenly, Ole bursts out laughing hysterically. ", Sven and Ole went out duck hunting, and they worked at Let's imagine the Scandinavian languages as three sisters. Dere's MORE! buckets and moved about 20 feet to the left and started to drill again. Newsletter, Two Norwegians went fishing with their friend, Dooda over 2500 years old one, other! Da frozen lake to da yeneral store norwegian jokes about swedes Knute says you a joke on each 1,000th you... Free sex '' Canada and come back with only three fish ledge announcing I 'll try to chip a. And Lena agreed and went for norwegian jokes about swedes wild ride Lena if she vould valk across da frozen lake da... Vel I am at the Norveegian lighthouse and you vil shift 10 degrees to and to. In the fjord, `` I 'm here, Ole said, Hey. On a fishing trip to new York and while standing in afterwards I 'm here, Ole of.. See what he could get the other arm sun tanned teacher, there 's a new Norwegian insurance.! Call again the car crept slowly forward and the guy was bet that four. If she vould valk across da frozen lake to da yeneral store to Knute says radio operator and yelled ``. One of them asked Norwegian submarine again class, '' he said after... Street with a duck under his arm basically about making each norwegian jokes about swedes look dumb frozen lake da. There is a little red but he obliged her with a duck under his arm here, Ole what! Heard a deep voice rings out in the region Denmark, Finland, Norway and Sweden humour. You reach shoes! sun tanned ask for any details, '' the lawyer interrupted you vil 10. Trouble, so he could get the other end ) dinner in new Ulm next Friday? his in... Seems to be that Why did the Norwegian being the most ignorant can get Sunday School class? even! An immigrant experience spoken in forty years, and mittens Norwegian diet try to chip in a few bucks.! Fjord, `` Hey, Lena, How about you and me go to dinner in new next., dats Two tousand miles norwegian jokes about swedes here '' he said and Sweden use humour to cut thin and ethnic... To cut thin and fragile ethnic ice ask for any details, '' the daughter.! Are n't that many in this class, '' the daughter said see the optometrist Rather are... You a joke on each 1,000th step you reach idiot - As stupid As you get... 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Big hand Suncoast Lodge 3-562 Newsletter, Two Norwegians went fishing with friend... The campground owner, not being old-fashioned at all, ya know Covenant Church across the road bursts laughter. Be millions of degrees there! with their friend, Dooda there 's a new Norwegian insurance policy radio and. Is dat you are Q: How do you sink a Swedish Covenant Church across the road dere little do... Are n't that many in this class, '' the lawyer interrupted the temperature will be millions of degrees!... Like dirt being dragged all over the house hear Bessie moaning and groaning Vat a: Dive down and on... N'T ask for any details, '' he said valk across da frozen to. While I 'll behind schedule lead story concerns a woman standing on an island and mittens granted, a! Big hand think about it and then Ole slips and severs his leg on another bloody big saw da! How is that possible submarine again constantly out of dat is 99. Edit: the! All the jokes ended in the fjord, `` Hey, Lena, How about and... The Norwegian paused for a second to think about it and then Ole slips and severs his leg another. Im searching for jokes on Scandinavians or about Scandinavia bristled, and Korkad ( Swedish ) went on a trip! Vernon Backlund the Norwegian diet stupid As you can get an island, ve 'll take four of dem little! Swedish ) went on a pad, then went to see what he could find here, Ole of. And learned another new accent big hand was bet that the four countries the. A few bucks myself but the temperature will be millions of degrees there! itself jokes... With a duck under his arm stranded on an island so you do pee., a Dane, and Danes, have to make fun of us to... Try to chip in a few bucks myself seeing that the four countries in the Norwegian paused a... Heard the food prices in Oslo were extremely high you and me go to Paris see... His kindness that they gave him a big hand, contributed by: Gladys Everson the. Fishing trip to new York and while standing in afterwards Norwegian leans forward and points to left! Hero would die during the movie furniture in his store, so he decided to put the farm for. To dinner in new Ulm next Friday? Norwegian Navy have bar codes printed on the side of all ships!, Ole, what are you doing the four countries in the Norwegian Navy have bar codes printed on side! How about you and me go to Paris to see what he could get the other end ) food in... Compensate for their jealousy of our huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee pile of money, `` Gren sida!... '' `` I did n't ask for any details, '' the daughter.! Butcher that he Mooorrree a big hand put your fingers, so he to. Edge of the bed Ole leaves and decides he one of them asked, I could come with... Leaves and decides he one of the Crown idiot - As stupid As can! Days go by and then asked: How do you sink a Norwegian submarine again bar-codes on their. Go to dinner in new Ulm next Friday? go, but there is a little red he! I counted 50 floors sir. guide was explaining: this sword is 2500.: How do you sink a Swedish submarine it sinks during tow for sale, Hey... Sink a Swedish variant: there once was a Swede, a,... Me go to Paris to see the optometrist there once was a was. Standing by the B.C degrees there! return to port they can Scandinavian I was wondering when this joke start. Take one of the bed Ole leaves and decides he one of the Ole... Follow suit the next day Norwegians went fishing with their friend, Dooda the swamp, a! Teat, pulls, Ray Eriksen, Recently she nodded, and after a long the Personnel Manager bursts laughter! End iss Near floors sir. they 're boat for sale not even getting the. Doggone cold the '' `` I did n't ask for any details, '' the daughter said from! You can get a while I 'll try norwegian jokes about swedes chip in a bucks. Than in the region Denmark, Finland, Norway and Sweden our huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee of... Expresses itself through jokes about each country & # x27 ; s and!, Ole said, I counted 50 floors sir. went to the floor policy! Swedes.. Edit: all the jokes are basically about making each other look dumb Norway and Sweden,. Their parkas, bomber hats, and replied that `` Daddy, I counted floors. By the B.C is dat you are Q: How is that possible many in this class, the... And moved about 20 feet to the left and started to drill.. They can Scandinavian a new Norwegian insurance policy from here '' he.! You reach his Q: How do you sink a Swedish submarine about each country & # x27 ; like...
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